While Mother’s Day is a beautiful celebration of motherhood, I am always reminded of the many women who are still waiting and hoping. Last year my friend Kate shared about her struggle with infertility on Recovering Grace:
She followed up this year with a beautiful Facebook post and has graciously allowed me to share it here.
“It’s that time of year again! Time for celebrating the beauty of motherhood. For many, it is a beautiful, wonderful day. Which is great! And there are two friends in particular this year that I am SO incredibly glad they’re celebrating as mothers! But like any other celebration, there are some for whom it carries deep, difficult emotions, for many reasons. If you know me personally then you’re aware that for me, Mother’s Day can be tricky because my dude and I walk that difficult road -along with so many others- of infertility. So once again, here is a little of my personal journey surrounding Mothers Day. I share it not to gather sympathy, But in the hopes it helps someone. I wrote last year around this time about my journey of not merely surviving Mothers Day, but coming to a place of understanding that infertility is not a punishment. That in itself was incredibly freeing. Such relief and comfort flooded my aching heart. But healing and just life issues in general can be like pealing an onion. One layer at a time. And often the rawness and tenderness of a newly revealed layer can feel so overwhelming. But please understand- if you’re a mother- I value you and love you and care about you. And am so very happy you have children and so very thankful for those of you who allow me and trust me to love your children.
“There may be times when holding and cuddling your sweet little ones might be too much for me on that particular day, but that doesn’t mean I resent you for having what I do not. Because whilst occasionally holding that sweet baby might be difficult, most of the time it is a balm to my heart and a relief that you will not have to travel the rough road of infertility. So please, wax lyrical about your little munchkin and send me pics of their little cheeks, because Auntie Kate loves them so much!
Mothering Sunday 2016. I braced myself and went to church determined to be ok. In recent years, I’ve stayed home but this year I was on the music team. I prayed thanking God for the mothers I knew and the children they allow me to love. But I was not prepared for the flood of emotions that hit mid service. I found myself crying in the bathroom with a dear friend. A small part of me expected to be reproached for coming to church on a day I knew to be difficult, or for someone to tell me not to give up hope, that it could still happen. Or to be told of the many options there are for a childless couple. But this friend said none of these things. She held me, prayed for me, cried with me and acknowledged my emotion as legitimate, and helped me gather myself again so I could go back and play the piano for the final song. I have realised that that is exactly how I can continue to move on in my life during the times it gets difficult. So when I sense that feeling of being left behind, forgotten, not in the ‘mummy club’ etc., it’s ok. It’s ok to acknowledge those emotions, to cry them out. But I am not a slave to them. I can Acknowledge them, feel them deeply, but then pick myself up, gather myself and continue to live and become the person I was created to be.
“God made me as I am for a reason. He made me with a heart that dearly dearly loves little ones. But He made me first a woman. And also a leader. A wife. A friend. A daughter, sister, niece, auntie. A musician. There are times I cry to Him that my arms were not created to be empty. And they weren’t. But there are others to hold. Plenty of opportunities to fill my arms and heart with people who need a little auntie Kate in their lives. (And let’s face it- I give great hugs.) There is a small part of me that will always hope. Always. But it lives in a box…a box I can take it out every so often, but then put it away and to the side. And that’s where I am this Mother’s Day.
“But something else has come out of this most recent ‘wobble’…I real desire to start a community infertility support group. I’m not sure what that will look like or even how to get started…but there is a need for it as there is currently nothing in Lancashire/Cumbria. So watch this space!”
For my sweet friends who are still longing and waiting…you are loved and remembered this Mother’s Day too. I am so grateful for many of you who pour your love into the lives of those around you.